


On Route

by wintrs



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Fear of Flying, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, One Shot, Social Anxiety, Some Humor, basically: delitoonz is goals (reprise)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 13:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15001547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintrs/pseuds/wintrs
Summary: Lots of things make Jon anxious. Among them, plane trips, irl meet-ups, and heightened expectations.





	On Route

Jonathan’s always been scared of flying. It isn’t debilitating, really, because he doesn’t have to get on planes often, if at all. His mother and sister both live close by, and he doesn’t really keep track of his more distant relatives. He doesn’t go on far-away vacations, he doesn’t travel for business, and he doesn’t even meet up with his friends. If he was more like them, he would probably fly more, and would probably have gotten used to it by now. But he’s always been something of the odd one out.

So, he’s terrified.

“Jon, you’re gonna make my hand bleed if you keep this up,” Luke says, easing his hand away from Jonathan’s death grip. He grimaces, and lifts it closer to Jonathan’s face. “Look. Your long-ass nails almost went all the way through.”

Jonathan feels bad, but can’t really think of anything to say. Instead, he sighs and leans heavily into Luke’s shoulder, which about sums it up. As always, Luke gets it.

“You can keep holding on, just try not to dig your nails in.” Luke offers him back the hand, and Jon takes it. “They’re sharp as fuck right now. It hurts.”

“My nails have always been this sharp. You’re just being a bitch about it,” Jonathan doesn’t let go of Luke’s hand, but he does settle back into his own seat.

Luke chuckles. “Oh, I see. Sorry we’re not all into pain like you are, Jonathan.”

Jonathan punches him in the shoulder. “I knew I would regret telling you about that, now all you do is tease me! You’re such an asshole.”

“Maybe, but I am _your_ asshole.”

Just then, they hit turbulence. Jonathan clenches his hand, right back to where he started. It’s not like he’s trying to dig his nails in, it’s just a reflex. Still, he can’t help but feel like shit because he knows he’s pressing way too hard to be comfortable. Luckily, the turbulence passes quickly enough, and the plane begins to move smoothly again. Jonathan loosens his hold apologetically.

Luke doesn’t mention the new set of crescent-shaped indents. “You’re good, buddy. It’s only a few hours, right?” His voice softens, “I know you’re nervous, for everything, but it’ll all work out fine.”

Realistically, it should. He’s planned everything out to a T. Fly in Monday morning, settle in by Monday afternoon, and (probably) see all of his friends for the first time Monday night. E3 starts Tuesday, and Jonathan will attend with his friends and have an amazing time. After the convention, they’ll all stick around for a few days to hang out. Fly out Sunday morning, get home Sunday afternoon, and the grind continues.

He has everything figured out, and yet he still can’t help his anxiety. He loves his friends, and though he does value his privacy, he didn’t really have a reason to hide his face from them for so long. He knows that the guys would never betray his trust and “out” his face to the public, and though he doesn’t like acknowledging it usually, he isn’t exactly hurting in the looks department. His friends don’t have any reason to start disliking him now, just because he’s showing his face. They’re excited, and Jonathan’s excited, too, so there’s really no reason to be worrying about it.

And yet… he can’t help the twist in his stomach when he thinks about revealing himself. If he wanted to turn back now, before anyone saw him, he could. No one would push him to go. However, Luke wouldn’t be happy with him, and even if they said they understood, his friends would be disappointed as well. Luke knows he’s anxious, knows everything about him, really, and his other friends know enough to be understanding, but the thought of disappointing everyone makes him feel even worse.

Even if he does follow through and meet his friends, he doesn’t have to go to the convention if he doesn’t want to. Luke would have his back, and his friends probably wouldn’t mind if he decided to leave early. He could still have fun with them, still enjoy his time with them, even if it isn’t at E3 as planned. No matter how much he loves video games, his friends, and the community at large, conventions just aren’t his thing. He would probably enjoy the experience more if he wasn’t as E3, if he’s honest.

Deep down, he _wants_ to go to the convention, but he still feels sick at the thought of all the people and the crowds and the noise. At the idea of all the people he’ll have to talk to, all the people that’ll be looking at him, waiting for him to mess up and say the wrong thing--not to mention, he’s still on a plane _right now_ , and--

“Y’know I can hear you thinking too hard from over here,” Luke says. “It’s okay to be nervous, and I know you are, but don’t get too tangled up in it. They’re gonna love you.” Luke rubs his thumb over the back of Jonathan’s wrist. Jonathan’s wearing a long-sleeve shirt, so the familiar touch is separated by a layer of fabric, but it doesn’t lose any of the calming effect it has.

“I know, but I just… I can’t help but worry. It’s too hard for me to tell if this is the right thing to do. They’re expecting so much out of me, now. Especially with the fucking years of build-up. I don’t know how to live up to their expectations.” Jonathan sighs. “I’m not going to be what they’re expecting. What if they don’t like this me?”

“Listen. I know you’re different on and off camera--everyone is. They’re not expecting you to be the exact same as you always are; that just wouldn’t be normal. Besides, the person you are in your videos is still you, even though it isn’t so easy to express face-to-face. I know I can’t stop you from worrying, but I promise that they aren’t going to reject you.”

Luke lets go of his hand, opting to throw his arm over Jonathan’s shoulder instead. “Try and get some sleep, okay? We’ve got a long flight, and I know you were up all night worrying.”

Jonathan closes his eyes. Luke’s not wrong, on either count.

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends! i'll be honest--this was supposed to be part of a longer work, but i fell out of the bbs fandom a bit. still, i really enjoyed writing this and hope you enjoy reading it! feedback is so super appreciated!!!
> 
> and.. i may or may not continue this, haha. NO PROMISES but it's not out of the realm of possibility.


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